GUSTO KO NG BABOLGAMMMMMMM!!!!!

And I'm back from a lovely vacation in Manila.

My sister got married to her soul pal, I was able to spend precious moments with family and friends, I got to bond with baby girl Ain, I got to eat Shakey's garlic and cheese and Hawaiian style pizza and I was able to spend some quality time with my Dada (it was not enough, though). All those in three weeks.

Through it all, I missed Noel and I was raring to go home. I was looking forward to the long flight home. I wanted to just watch movies on the plane, read my book and peacefully drift off to sleep and wake up in SFO.

It was not to be.

Everything else happened but that.

I knew it the moment I heard her voice. She was small. Little. All of 7 summers maybe. But boy, she had a big voice. Imagine. A whiny seven year old little girl with a big voice. Ayayay! There was something about her that said: Meltdown.

And it happened. Minutes before take off.

She started looking for her bubblegum. Or, her BABOLGAM as she called it.

The plane started back up from the tarmac.

She started to dive into the inner crevices of her little bag.

Her whining got a bit more urgent.

The plane started to taxi.

And then...the beginning of a major mega tantrum. One that would put any misbehaving child to shame.

She started hitting her mom. Hitting the seat in front of her. Screaming at the top of her lungs. "Nasaan na yung babolgam ko!!!!" "Dito ko lang yon nilagayyyyy!!!!" "Waaaaahhhhh!!!!" "Waaahhhhh!!!!!!"

Oh my. The spawn of Satan was sitting beside me. No wonder some people refuse to have kids.

At this point, and I did not know that it was even possible but her mega tantrum revved up even more.

"Umaandar na yung eroplano!" "Baba tayo!!!!" "Ayoko!" "Ayoko!" "Ayokong pumuntang Amerikaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!"

Oh Lord.

And just in case you were wondering, she was not traveling alone. No. But it sure seemed as if she was. Her stupid excuse for a mother (I tell you, her mom was/is a waste of essential space in this vast universe) was doing nothing! Nothing to calm her down or even reprimand her!

Knowing fully well that her kid (possesed by the spirit of Chucky) was disrupting all of the hundreds of passengers on the flight, she just stared at the little girl. She did utter a few words like: "Ano ka ba, Bianca, nakakahiya ka naman." The devil has a name. Oh and she also played this stupid, stupid charade: "Ay alam ko na, baka nandito." Then she rummages through the little bag herself. "Ay, baka kaya nandito?" Looks into one of the pockets. "Ay hindi, parang nakita ko dito!"

God, save me.

Meantime, the Devil's child was screaming at the top of her lungs. Still hitting her mom. Still hitting the seat in front of her.

Meantime, the plane was about to take off.

By this time, the flight attendants were hovering above us.

As I looked behind me, one passenger was handing me his pillow... gesturing... telling me to end their misery and suffocate the little girl!

One passenger even offered his seat to me. So kind. I declined, of course. Then he said: Don't worry, she'll get tired soon and she'll go to sleep. To which I said: She better or I'll put her to sleep! I whispered, of course.

As this covert communication was happening between and among me and the other passengers, the flight attendants were clearly trying so hard to put their game face on to mask the irritation that's consuming them.

And I thought: Why don't you just get it over with and call security. Escort them off the plane!!!

But that was not to be.

Miraculously,just as the plane took off, Satan's spawn calmed down... and slept.

Was that the end of my ordeal?

As my good friend Gel would say: Newp.

She snored like a baby troll.