Here We Go (again)

I haven't told a lot of people about what I have been going through the past months. It's one of those things that I would rather keep to myself. The treatments have made me feel raw and vulnerable. I figured, telling people would make me even more fragile because it would be tantamount to putting myself out there. For all to see. Yet I was not sure if all would feel for me and be with me. I was wrong.

As I began telling my family and close friends about it, I found that there's so much love and support. That as Noel and I continue to take this challenge head on, we will never be alone.

So here I am, a day after our first doctor's appointment since leaving the East Coast. I must confess, I broke down a couple of times yesterday. I was stressed out by the thought of all the poking and probing that's going to be done to me again. The vials of blood that they're going to draw out from me again. The numerous injections and meds that I have to take in... again. Sure enough, I was welcomed back into program by the first of the many pokes and probes. Noel held my hand all throughout.

Dr. Rinaudo was very optimistic. He said we have time. He said he sees no problem. To be sure, he also told us to expect failure but that we have to be strong emotionally. I'm all for that. I'm a big girl. Except that there was something else he mentioned that's been bugging me. A possible surgery.

Now, that's new.

History of Love

A few months back, my big bro and I were having one of our chat sessions. We got around to talking about the books that we were currently reading. He just put down Nicole Krauss' History of Love and he was telling me that he was blown away by it. I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

And so, after turning the last page of Isabel Allende's Daughter of Fortune, I flipped the first page of History... and so began my journey.

It was humourous, happy and sad all at the same time. I felt vulnerable yet secure while I was reading it. Krauss wrote seamlessly as she took you into Leo's world while making you realize your place in your own.

History also reminded me of the people around me, and their place in my book.

Like this one:

From then on, I was terrified that I or one of my parents were going to die. My mother worried me the most. She was the force around which our world turned. Unlike our father, who spent his life in the clouds, my mother propelled through the universe by the brute force of reason. She was the judge in all of our arguments. One disapproving word from her was enough to send us off to hide in a corner, where we would cry and fantasize our own martyrdom. And yet. One kiss would restore us to princedom. Without her, our lives would dissolve into chaos.

Enough said. I'm about to cry.

Chapter 2

I was thinking, now that I'm back to blogging, should I create an entire blog again just because I'm no longer walking on Walnut?

Should I treat this site as a try at blogging, completely forget about it and let it get eaten up by the www?

And then it came to me. No.

Why should I?

To hike in Highlands (of Marin) doesn't mean I should forget about ever walking on Walnut.

Although I am thankful that I have red head hawks and humming birds, deer and wild turkey as company now when I look out my window, and though I love it that I can explore the shops and restaurants in downtown San Rafael without fearing for my safety, I will forever remember the charming (sometimes filthy and always dangerous) streets of Philadelphia, the cherry blossoms that by now have shed their blooms and, of course, all those whom we met along the way....those who helped make Philly a wonderful first home.

So here I am, Chapter 2. Hike with me.

Hiking in Highlands

Ok, so I'm no longer walking on Walnut. I haven't been since June of this year. Since Noel graduated last May, we stayed in Delaware for a while, vacationed in South Jersey for a few weeks, then moved to California last August!

I'm no longer exploring the streets of Philadelphia (God knows I have had enough of that. Especially after the mugging). I am now joyfully soaking up the breathtaking views of the mountains and valleys of beautiful San Rafael... from our living room! I must show you where we live but I haven't had the chance to capture images of our new home. I will post these pictures as soon as get my act together.

So, a lot has happened since my last posting. Noel is now an investment banker while I will be joining TFC soon. We fought hard to be where we're at now. And we know there's more to come. Still, I would like to thank our friends and family for the continued support and prayers. We couldn't have done it without you -- Mom and Pop, Tama, Xioy, Taka, Tiny, the Bruschettas, Xioapao and our Baby Girl Ain, Mommy and Daddy, Tito Babe and Tita Eva, Tito Enteng and Tita Letty, Dada... Our lives are all the more blessed because we have you on our side.

So while I get my thoughts organized... have some of this. A bowl of french onion soup and mixed greens...